its a good crafternoon to you!

All quite here, have been contemplating the idea of packing up my world and going travelling with my son, but he is two, and cant sit still for more then 2 minutes, so a plane, train or boat adventure is out of the question, prehaps a walking holiday, with lots of stops for snacks....
This week I have been designing a new range of cushions, all appliqued, some with stars, some birds and now I'm having a go at a steam train for my locomotive obsessed child. The plan is to have enough 'stock' to have a go at a craft fair, see what sells (if anything!) and take it from there. As for my housing situation, I'm holding out for a lotto win to see me set myself up in  leafy Dartmouth Park..but failing the very unlikely event happening I'm going to move out of London in the very near future,somehow, some way.... watch this space!

its just me,me and more me!

So its been a bit of a lack luster week for me, lots of procrastinating, not a lot of productivity, well the sun was out, so what else could I do but go and feed the ducks...
So for a long while Iv wanted to start my own business, I have dabbled in making bits and bobs, cushions, soft toys,baby blankets and whatever else takes my fancy and Iv thought Id turn it into a proper income, however, there is a huge barrier, as soon as I declare myself a business a few things then happen, firstly I have to make enough money to cover what I lose from income support, and secondly, I had better be in accommodation I can afford...which could stretch to a garden shed right now! its a horrible thing being stuck at home, I use to think if you didn't work you must be ill or lazy, now I know its because your stuck, damned if you do and damned if you don't, the problem (the way I see it) seems to be that the powers that be have no real idea of what its like to live in poverty, the massive risks you face in terms of employ ability, housing and having a family, its a horrendous trap, and not many routes out short of winning the lotto or finding a job what fits round childcare and pays for everything. I know that's how most people live, its how I use to live and would like to return to paying my way, but I doubt there is anyone in government who has been on the dole, or raised kids in a hostel, or even just lost a job and had no money for rent. So from now on its all about me, I'm going to learn how to run a business, make up a load of products, test the water and watch it all take off and drag me out of this. plus there will be no more rants on howe unfair everything is....watch this space!

pass the calculator, I need to work out my points!

So this week Iv dipped my toe into the murky waters of 'bidding', which from what I can make out involves me looking at a lot of terrible flats in the worst parts of Camden and trying to bid for one against the other thousands of people all doing the same thing! now don't get me wrong, I'm not in a position to be fussy, and I shouldn't moan about a roof over my head, but when you have been told by the Council who are meant to be helping you, that you shouldn't even bother bidding as you so far down their list, then it all seems so futile.
So there are some stark choices to be made, I could go down the route of going to the doctor and saying all this shit is causing me stress, sleepless nights and anxiety, and that would all be true, but I am loathed to let this situation I find myself in dictate my life and my health, yes it is stressful, yes it seems pointless going 'by the books' as I don't have anywhere near enough points to make a decent bid, and yes I know people get more points by using their health as an issue, but it seems like jumping from one problem to another, maybe I'm just stubborn and don't want to admit how much this can affect someone.
London is turning into a playground for the rich, even before I lost my job I was living with my boyfriend in his parents home, saving as much as we could to get a deposit for a flat of our own, even 3 years ago, with two wages coming in we struggled, and when I fell pregnant and subsequently got the sack, those hard earned savings disappeared, and now, looking up from the bottom it all seems so much harder, its not like I'm lazy either, and neither are the many mums I know stuck on benefits, all of them trying to find ways to provide, to escape the system, and most of us stuck.
So not a cheery update, but a realistic one, sometimes shit happens, and you just have to get on with sorting it out, and push comes to shove I will sod off to a nice hot country and teach English to little kids on a beach somewhere rather then sit this reccession out in a hostel waiting for the powers that be to give me some grubby bedsit if Im lucky!

Getting my Sew on

So, Happy pancake day, pretty sure its going to pass me by again seeing as Im allergic to eggs and that tends to spoil the whole pancake side of things, anyway, not much to report on the home front, still being evicted soon, still looking at my options/rights etc... but in times of stress I turn to sewing, and boy have I been in a sewing frenzy of late!Im currently trying several projects at the same time..mostly cushions, soft toys and at some point a quilt!heres what Iv just finished, the pattern is taken from the Cath Kidson 'sew' book I think, and it took me FOREVER to finish as I kept starting other things.

so its pink for a girl and blue for a boy...right??

So after my flurry of posts last week Iv been really lacking in the blogging area this week!

So my blog was originally going to be about baby stuff, products, toddler groups etc in london, but after getting a harsh dose of reality ie- I'm not rich, I don't own my own home and I live in a city I cant afford, So I have been in Hertfordshire having a good look around at what will probably end up becoming 'home'...I like clean air and green fields, so I think I will be ok.
Now back to what I wanted to rant about.

Why is it that in every shop I go in for children's wear the girls selection outnumbers the boys 2:1? I spend hours scouring the shops looking for bright colourful interesting clothes for my son (not sure he will thank me when he is older for some of the things he as worn in the name of 'fun fashion', Chinese silk emperor outfit springs to mind...!)and in every shop I'm greeted with an array of pink for girls and if I'm lucky some jeans and t-shits for boys (all in shades of blue too boot!) and why oh why cant I get tights for my 2 year old son?Long Johns are ok for a grown man to wear, but a small boy MUST wear cotton socks in the winter? its a very odd world we live in. So from now on I am endeavouring to create a non blue wardrobe for my lucky toddler!

Just send me to the work house!

So after huge surge in readership of this blog I took a few days off from writing about my life and actually got down to trying to sort it out, first stop was to see my Mums local Councillor to get some advice on my housing position, turns out in this country being homeless DOESN'T get you a home, now this isn't a political rant, or a whinge on how unfair things really are, its a simple fact that I have a 2 year old and I'm being evicted, now there is not much I can do, however frustrating that may be, I have no hidden trust fund, or second home I can fall back on, and my choices are clear cut, a hostel, private rental or move out of London.  There are no council homes in Camden, there are no private rental in Camden, and there are limited hostels in Camden, and I have to draw the conclusion that my precarious situation is down to a total abandonment of people in need of social support. The housing benefit cap now means that most boroughs in London landlords no longer make any money from taking DSS, for example the rent cap for Harringey is now £60-£70 per week lower the the average rent, so why would landlords reduce their rent when they can get working professionals to pay over the odds? I understand it, in fact if I was a landlord, Id do exactly the same. But where does it leave me? for now it looks like moving out of London is the best option for my son, a life in a hostel or moving from rental to rental is not a life I want to give to him. I will carry on annoying the council, but until there is a massive investment in social housing, and a limit on developers buying land just to make a quick buck then I'm afraid I'm probably the start of a mass exodus from London.

why 'benefits' is a dirty word

So after a lot of consideration I think I should outline my current situation in the hope that it changes for the better. The is still a taboo about admitting you live on benefits and a fear you will be judged for it.


Back in 2009 I had a lovely little job as assistant manager of a baby boutique, I became pregnant and was over joyed, at 25 and in a 3 year relationship it felt like exactly the right thing to happen. 14 weeks into my pregnancy I was dismissed from my 'lovely' job, by a man who has 3 children and runs a 'family business' the reason for my dismissal...he says being absent, the tribunal court and myself both say discrimination of a pregnant woman. His actions resulted in me losing everything, I spent my hard earned savings buying all the things I needed for my baby, after 6 years living away from home I was back in my Mums box room living out of a suitcase signing on for jobseekers! well don't know about you, but I wouldn't hire a 6month pregnant hippo, so it was both demoralising and terrifying. My relationship with my boyfriend suffered greatly, and the court case hung over my head for over a year. (in that time my case was passed to 3 different lawyers at the law centre! and I was getting phone calls from my ex employers lawyer the day after I gave birth!)
I had grown up in Camden all my life, as had my Dad and most of my family, I was under the massive assumption that the welfare state was there for people like me, who work hard, pay taxes and when we fall on hard times its there to help us back up. This is so far from the truth its laughable.
In 2010 I went to the council, unable to cope with living with my Mum, with a screaming baby in tow I went expecting to be offered housing. I was shot down in flames, the best they could offer was a hostel for an indeterminate amount of time, or the private rental scheme,well it seemed like an easy choice, I could pick a nice flat, and the council would pay my rent or i can sit it out in a hostel with strangers around me trying to me a good new mum. So I picked the private rental scheme, having been told not to be fussy and a pressing need to move I took the first flat I saw. What a mistake! Iv lived in a mouse infested, train track shaking, cold and drafty flat in Finsbury Park, and Iv been here two years.
Now my land lady wants her flat back and I'm at the mercy of Camden Council, I'm not a scrounger, Iv paid my taxes, often too much tax, I like working, I have a dream that one day I will own my own business and BUY a house, but Camden don't care, I'm just a number, and one in a VERY VERY long line of numbers all wanting the same thing.A lot has changed since 2010, the benefit cap now means private rental is not an option for most, you need 8 weeks deposit (your talking £2000+) and you need to find someone who takes DSS, just look on Gumtree or any property sight and most will say, no pets, no smokers no DSS! what the hell are we? are we back to the days of segregation? why am I considered an undesirable tenant when I have a track record for paying my rent yet anyone with some money can live where they can afford. I understand the prejudice, I use to be one of those people who would read the paper and make generalising comments about everyone playing the system. Most people you must just be lazy, or you some how deserve to be in your situation, but the system is set up to make you fail, I live in a flat that if I went back to work full time i couldnt afford, not to mention finding more money for bills, food and childcare, as soon as I go back to work the Council take most of it to cover the rent, leaving me worse off then on benefits, and hardly seeing my son. So I need social housing, unfortunately my choices are even worse then two years ago, I can move back in with my Mum, toddler in tow, my Mum suffers from a lot of medical and mental health issues so I don't want my son to have that experience, or I can go in to a hostel for 5 years minimum(I kid you not, this is what the council told me). How can I provide a stable home for my son, to try and get my life back in to some kind of order when I'm not entitled to live near my family, my roots and my support network. I cant go back to work as I have no childcare in place where I live, I have lost two years to unemployment, and while I have loved ever second of being a full time mum its not a viable option for someone who wants to build a successful and secure future.

thanks for reading, not my usual jolly post but life isnt always delightful.

Happy Snow Day!

Things your suddenly allowed to do once your a parent

I often find myself totally immersed in something only to stop and think 'what the hell am I doing?' these usually include and are not limited to....
humming the theme tune to 'Baby Jake', 'Mr Bloom' and a whole back catalogue of Cbeebies tunes! this has happened in the supermarket AND most embarrassingly on the bus where another Mum gave me a knowing nod...
the playground, suddenly I'm allowed to be on a swing or go down a slide, make a sand castle or just run around like a lunatic just because I have a small person with me and the odd looks have stopped!
watch cartoons knowing that no one will judge you for it except your own child when you actually like a show more then they do (guilty as charged, I'm a sucker for postman pat just for the theme tune alone)
talk in a ridiculous voice and refer to yourself in the third person...'Mummy wants some of your biscuit, can Mummy colour that bit in...'
wear pyjamas most of the day And look a mess, everyone will think you've been up all night with your child, you don't have to mention the bottle of wine you may have had the night before
Buy and play with toys....Toys R us was a distant childhood dream where by when I grew up I would own that shop and keep all the toys for myself, well that didn't happen but i do spend a large amount of my time looking at toys and 'testing' playing with them.
Buying clothes...ok so i use to spend all my money on shoes, bags, clothes and nights out, these days its toddler clothes (well they just keep growing!) toddler shoes, (who knew wellies were SO vital) toddler bags (nappy bags, change bags, bags for toys, bags for biscuits) and toddler days out...its a rock n roll life.
Funfairs...so my son cant go on any rides, doesn't stop me going on them though.

Id love to know what other parents have found themselves doing?

Those little things that make life easier

So I thought I'd write a list of things I have found invaluable in the past 2 years, I don't know about you, but the world of baby shopping hit me like a ton of bricks, where do you start! despite working in a baby shop I was still totally clueless when it came to what I liked, needed and could afford.
So here are a few things I would recommend and why...
for a new born.
 Dribble bibs, bibs can be ugly, boring or just not right for you baby, and if you have spent a fortune on cute clothes do you really want to cover then up with a plain ol' bib? dribble bibs are fantastic,they look like cowboy bandannas, they are soft, really great choice of patterns and colours and can be washed a million times ( I should know, my son could dribble for England) I went through loads of them because I'm a fabric fanatic, I got mine from http://www.bandana-bibs.co.uk/, but they're everywhere now.
for the paranoid parent
I loved the Gro egg, its basically a night light with a temperature gauge on it so you know how hot or cold the room is, it glows a different colour according to the temp, so blue was too cold, yellow was cool but ok, orange was warm and red was hot, sounds like its replacing common sense, but with a total lack of sleep and fear of doing it all wrong the little yellow glow was a reassurance that at least the room was the right temperature! peace of mind  for the befuddled.
for your crawler
now if your baby is anything like mine you will blink and they will suddenly go from adorable bundle to catastrophic crawler, as much as I loved my son exploring, there were times when I just needed to see him and he see me, hence the Bumbo chair. controversial choice as its pretty marmite in my house, I loved it, some friends hated it and that seems to be true of most people. Its a rubber formed chair which you can plonk your monster in to and they can sit and watch the world, my son loved being at the same level as everyone else, and would burble away happily taking in everything from his new perspective,
for your nibbler
The baby safe feeder. The number one thing I could not do with out when my son was teething/weaning, its essentially a mesh dummy. (sounds weird but such a good idea) you stick food inside the mesh, screw the dummy together and let them chew away safe in the knowledge that they can't choke on any little bits. I found a lump of carrot was the cure for teething as he would chow down on this cold carrot for hours until the pain had subsided and this was how we introduced most of his first tastes too.
for your wannabe walker
now there are a million things you can buy to encourage your child to walk, but Im a great believer in letting it happen when it happens. However, my best investment and the one that brought the most joy was the door bouncer, its a pretty simple device, a strap in swing which attaches to the door frame (most doors) it doesnt leave a mark, but is seriously sturdy!and your child can bounce away learning to steady themselves using their legs. a lot of giggles and squeals, but totally redundent once they are running around by them selves.

The Bus Police

I use to be one of those people who would tut when a screaming child kicked off on the bus, or when an empty buggy was in the wheel chair space, but since Iv gone over to the dark side its a very hostile place, it starts at the bus stop, if you the first buggy there you should be first on, so you claim your position by sticking you hand out first and rushing on, god forbid some other buggy cuts in on you and steals your place! one of two things happen, you either don't get a space at all (because another buggy is on taking up the two allocated spaces)or you barge on, squeeze your buggy on and make loud complaining noises to your son about how 'mummy would love to sit down but somebody go the seat first' ( I am in the latter group big time!) My first bus experience came when my son was 5 weeks old on my first venture onto a bus with the buggy. I had been visiting my grandad and was getting a very busy bus home in rush hour (novice mum that I was, what the hell was I thinking!) it was November, freezing and I had a tiny person wrapped in a million layers) as soon as I get on this woman starts complaining, two stops later a wheel chair user wants to get on, unfamiliar to the etiquette I start to panic, do I get off? do I fold the buggy, what would I do with the baby?would someone help? before I even had a chance to do anything, this woman leaps up and starts shouting, 'Get off the bus, this area is not for your kind of people!' shocked, I burst in to tears, by this point the whole bus staring, going bright red with rage, the poor wheel chair man is confused,and isnt getting on, am I refusing to get off, I'm I having a break down..what should I do? In the end I get off the bus, in the freezing cold, the woman starts a round of applause and the tears start again and I end up waiting for it all to happen again on the next one.
 Bus people fall into two groups when it comes to kids and buggies, the unsympathetic, who usually hog a priority seat at the front and have a massive shopping trolley, or the lovely, who will coo over your baby, chat to your toddler and offer all manner of advice....
moral of the story, be a bus bully, everyone else is! 

So I guess the best place to start is a bit of back ground on me.

I have a two year old son, who is all the good bits of his dad and all the crazy bits of me, before I had my son I worked in a baby boutique, chatting to pregnant Mums and terrified Dads, the shop was opposite a hospital so would regularly have ladies in slow labour go for a bit of a wander round the shop buying random baby stuff-it didnt put me off having my own!. I thought having a baby would be pretty easy, I'm a driven single minded person in a happy relationship, Iv done a lot and seen a lot and a baby seemed like the next chapter.
4 months in to it all I was sacked from my job, the job I would be needing to provide an income and a routine once I was a Mum, the dismissal was taken to court, 6 months pregnant and signing on is NOT how I thought things would be, there was no happy glowing pregnancy, it was stressful, scary and fast!
I had my baby,  6 months later won my case against my boss and tried to pick up the pieces of the craziest year of my life. I'm still picking them up two years later....
In the past two years Iv had my eyes opened to a world I never knew existed, one of hostility, (usually passengers on a busy bus when I roll on with my buggy,shopping and tantrum throwing child) competition (who's baby walked/talked/slept through the night first) and relationship stress (sex, intimacy, the size 10 body you use to have...) too add to this try living on benefits, attempting to get back into work and out of a system designed to make you fail.
Welcome to motherhood 21st centry style!

1st past the post

Hi,
Iv been thinking of starting a blog for a while now, and I guess like most people Iv been hesitant to start firstly it seems really self indulgent,and secondly its oh so public.
Ever since I had my son I feel like iv been bombarded by stories of the perfect mum, woman who snap back into their skinny jeans whilst still breast feeding their child who already sleeps though the night and never cries all in a matter of weeks of giving birth. My experience is nothing like that and nor is any other woman I know.  
This blog is really about what Iv learnt and what I'm still learning from.
In fairness there is no reason for anyone to take my advice, I'm a winging it kind of mum, but I hope to shed a little light on real motherhood in all its gory detail.